Kimber J.

How is my mind so fast?   Switching from thought and action and thought and action back and forth almost effortlessly; it’s amazing I’m not out of breath from all the activity.   Even when I’m sleepily driving to work before the sun comes up my mind is racing with thoughts without my knowledge.   Today, more than usual, I feel like my mind is a runaway train on a track to Nogood Town.   It’s like I don’t even realize I’m thinking and then when my thoughts get my own attention I am shocked about the nature of the ideas I am entertaining.   I had no idea I thought that way because I don’t think my emotions line up with those thoughts.   Or maybe they do and my conscious-absent thinking is telling me what I actually feel.   If that’s the case then I’ve got some serious work to do on my emotions.   Then, all this thinking is suddenly interrupted by knowledge that my debit card has been compromised to the tune of $228 in a single transaction. ...

The last few weeks I have been learning that the condition of my life boils down to one simple concept: choice.   For most of my life I have excused away this concept because I allowed emotions to drive my choices, which conveniently exempted me from accountability or responsibility.   It’s not that I was addicted to poor choices, but the choices I would make most often were dictated by the feelings of others or even the impact a particular choice would have on someone.   Basically I was living my life through the lens of approval from others.   I had zero desire to rock the boat, to unsettle something that was already unstable, to cause a scene or inflict discomfort in any way.   In my head, I thought I could only make a choice separate from an emotional connection.   If emotion was connected to the choice or if the choice was going to challenge the dynamic of a relationship then I would make the choice that caused the least amount of friction in or...

There are many kinds of trust: trust in yourself, trust in a system like government or the way your work department is run, trust in others, and trust in your personal beliefs or philosophy.   (I’m sure there are more kinds of trust, but that’s all I can think of right now.)   With so many varying types of trust it’s no wonder people have trust issues.   I’m no different.   (There. I said it.   I have trust issues.)   Trusting myself can be difficult because I don’t know that my thoughts and/or feelings are always telling me the truth.   Sometimes I’ll make a decision based on how my heart leads me and then later I find out that choice may not have been the healthiest choice.   Other times I’ll decide something straight out of my head only to realize later I was misinformed or less-informed.   Had I been given more information or if I would have taken a step back and thought just a little longer on the matter I might have made a dif...

  3: You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope.  With less of you, there’s more of God.  5: You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less.   That’s the moment you find yourself the proud owner of everything that can’t be bought. 7: You’re blessed when you care.   At the moment of being “care-full,” you find yourselves cared for.   8: You’re blessed when you get your inside world put right (your heart and mind).   Then you can see God in the outside world. 9: You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.   That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.   These five verses have been rolling over in my head the last couple of weeks.  I am learning that even when I feel like I have nothing left to hang on to because my rope is frayed it’s still important for me to be content with w...

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off.   There should be a switch installed just behind my ear so my hair can cover it.   This switch would come in handy when my brain runs away with itself.   There are moments where I realize, “I don’t think I am thinking about anything.”   Those moments are blissful until the realization hits me and then I’m nervous I forgot to think about something so my mind races around all the corners searching for something to think about.   In the middle of the thought hunt I find myself wishing for the peaceful moment I was just enjoying before I realized I wasn’t thinking of anything.   Then there are days and moments that my brain is on overdrive.   My brain is a speed racer tackling thoughts like an ADHD kid in a candy store; nothing ever really gets completely thought through, just like no candy really gets enjoyed because the kid cannot decide which piece to enjoy first.   Most often I appear on the outside...

This summer so far has been… reflective.  The past couple of weeks I have enjoyed morning coffee, reading, and meditation on occasion.  This is the first summer in several years I have chosen to take completely off rather than working a couple of days each week for different workshops or presentations and such.  The moments I have had on these mornings before my sleeping angel wakes up have helped me acknowledge my need for healing and purpose.  I think I have known subconsciously that I was suppressing certain emotions because it’s much easier to store messy and scary things away rather than deal with them when they arise.  At least that’s what I keep telling myself anyway.  Turns out, I don’t think I’m right.  I think it might be better to deal with emotions as they occur rather than stifling and shoving them away into a place they were never meant to go.  Emotions are meant to be felt; denying emotions their purpose doesn’t make their purpose ...

There have been a few moments of supreme greatness in my adult life.   Sure, I can recount moments of greatness in my childhood and adolescence, but this morning I woke up thinking about the good things that have happened in the last ten years or so.   The moment I graduated with a bachelor’s degree and walked across the stage to receive my diploma was great.   My first day as a teacher when I wanted a second sandwich for lunch because I was so hungry and then went home and instantly fell asleep on my couch instead.   That day was great.   Except the second day when I had to go back and do it all again… that was less great.   (It definitely took a while to figure out a teaching rhythm because… dang… kids are tough…) Another great moment was January 17, 2009, when Mike told me he was going to marry me.   Earlier that day we had met at his niece’s birthday party on accident, and I was less than thrilled to see him because I knew we were headed for a...

I wonder how many thoughts I’ve had.   Numbering the thoughts I’ve had over my lifetime of 34 years would be impossible.   Could I count the number of thoughts I’ve had this year, this month, or even this week?   What about how many thoughts I’ve had today… probably not.   I’m not even certain I could go back through my “thoughts” file and count how many I have had in the last hour.   If I could count my thoughts, then could I classify them?   Good thoughts vs. bad thoughts; happy thoughts vs. sad or angry thoughts; dream thoughts vs. reality thoughts; helpful thoughts vs. hateful thoughts; etc…   When I think about counting my thoughts and then classifying them I kinda start feeling like I’m trapped in a Dr. Seuss book.   (One fish, Two fish; Red fish, Blue fish… Are You My Mother?... Oh, the Places You’ll Go…).   I could simplify the categorization process of my thoughts by following the idea of a story I’ve heard about a culture that woul...

Originally I thought the concept of “rest” for me in 2015 referred to taking a break from stress and challenges.   I interpreted rest, the meaning of the number 15, to be a timeout for me.    Now, I understand the word rest to be my ability to relax in the arms of my God.   This new definition of rest has more to do with trust than an interlude from responsibilities.   I don’t know that I really thought I could (or would) ignore my responsibilities because I believe that being responsible to someone or something is a sign of health and maturity.   It’s more reasonable for me to think that rest for 2015 was related to taking a break from the “big” stuff: relationship challenges, health concerns, emotional turmoil, etc.   As I reflect over the past few weeks and months, the revelation of the word rest is growing for me.   Revelations have a way of growing into something completely different than the original idea.   For example, the re...