Kimber J.

Today was another turning point.   I sat with my friends and we talked: openly, candidly, authentically.   We talked in front of cameras.  With regard to those I love and will always be connected to, I took a step in the direction of telling my story without discrediting their honor or telling their story, which doesn’t belong to me.   The interview with Sonja and Delia is just a portion, a quick peek into what makes me who I am.   I feel strangely calm.   (Normally, I would be nine breaths into a full blown panic attack looking for a stair rail or door handle to hold until my breathing returned to normal.) What’s funny (maybe more curious than funny) is the most unsettling thing about the whole interview was what to wear, which is not surprising as most women don’t just LOVE the video camera.   (Still shots are one thing, but I can only suck in and hold my neck skinny for so long before it’s time to breathe again.)   For as long as I can rem...

It’s 5:13am and I’ve been fighting sleep for two hours and one minute.   I finally gave up.   Made my bed, put on some leggings and sweatshirt, made a cup of coffee and sat down in my favorite chair to think.   The last several days have been riddled with cram-packed schedules and pollen-induced tension headaches.   I’m so done with headaches.   It starts behind my eyes and wraps around to my ears and down my neck.   So done.   Yesterday I was given the gift of alone time for a few hours so I went for a pedicure; an indulgent treat for this busy mom.   The salon and technicians are familiar to me because it’s a place I’ve frequented for almost nine years.   Even when I didn’t live in Humble I would still come to this salon during visits to family and such.   The technicians are kind but they don’t talk too much.   The price is fair to competitors.   The salon is clean.   My visit yesterday was the same, yet different...

Milestones.   This is a tricky subject for me.   Sometimes I celebrate the milestones, sometimes I grieve them.   Theoretically, today was supposed to be a milestone.   It was supposed to be the opening to a new decade of adventure and experience.   Instead, it was just another day.   What do you do with an unreached milestone?   What I thought was supposed to happen today didn’t and there’s really no undoing it, nor do I want it undone.   I am all at once numb, tired, sad, thankful, curious, angry, empty, and thankful a bunch more times.   My God is so good to me.   He surprised me with saving grace at the exact moment I needed it even though I didn’t know it, and while I sometimes wish things were not as though they are, I trust Him.   I trust Him more every day. Romans 15:13 (HCSB) Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit...

So… I did a thing.   Today I stood in the lobby of my church and promoted a small group I’m starting.   Me!   Leading a small group.   I made cards to give a little info on the group and then set them out on the table with the name tent the church made for me and I talked to at least a dozen women about my group and my ideas for it.   Me!   Clearly there was premeditation involved because I made cards.   Clearly I was unconscious during the premeditation because just standing at the table and talking to all the wonderfully beautiful women who visited my table I am exhausted to the point I can’t feel my feet and my neck is tingly.   I am confident I will encounter women during the course of the connect group season who will change my life for the better, but this is such a stretch for me.   I know this is God testing me to see how I will handle trusting Him for the energy, resources, and inspiration to share with the women who come.  ...

I have this disease where I need to know HOW to do something before I actually try it.   I need to research all the ins and outs.   All questions and possible struggles or failures need to be assessed in the beginning; all materials need to be gathered and assembled.   Clearly this comes from a need for control, but not the manipulation kind of control.   It’s the kind of control that brings peace and unity.   At least it does for me.   My current obsession is to write my story.   Not the WHOLE story because there are loads of boring parts.   Just the highlights that have intsrumated (my word) the direction of my journey and all the course changes.   Some of these things are good and happy; the result of hard work and determintation.   Some of these things will end up working together for my good because I love God and I’m working on finding my calling according to His purpose.   MOST of these things, these details that create...

Healing is hard work.   The last decade of my life has been damaging in ways I’m only just now discovering.   Most of the scars I carry with me were self-inflicted either by purpose or by allowance.   For a long time, I pointed my fingers at different sources that caused my pain or crippledness (my word) .   Truthfully, I’ve only been hurt by outside sources a few times.   Most of what I’ve experienced is due to my lack of courage to speak my truth and stand by it.   I kept quiet for many reasons: embarrassed, uneducated, fear of the unknown, didn’t want to rock the boat.   Knowing these reasons doesn’t make my silence anymore justified, but it does help me shed some light on the “why” behind it all as I unpack my life and re-evaluate.   Now I understand that by keeping quiet and not sharing my truth I allowed damage to come into my life and set up camp.   Damage to my brain; damage to my heart; damage to my physical body.   As...