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Blinding Anger


6/18/19
I am angry.  I am “insert-bad-word-here” angry.  What I love is being compromised because it seems that God won’t step in and reign over the situation.  It’s been a while since I’ve been this angry; a feeling with such a strong force my physical body hurts and my vision is blurred.  My head keeps telling my heart to trust God because the Bible tells me His ways are above my ways, but in this situation I would beg, borrow, and steal to differ.  If I were fully in charge this would no longer be an issue.  I would have “handled” things in such a way to avoid this ever happening again altogether.  Of course, my way of handling it would question my salvation and my reservation for eternity, but that’s neither here nor there.  I absolutely, without question, hands down, no contest DO NOT UNDERSTAND GOD.  I love Him because He is God and He has always come through for me.  The outcome of every season of my life has been better than I could have imagined.  There have been other times when I’ve been just as confused as I am right now, this exact minute, but very few times when I’ve been this confused coupled with such strong anger.  I’ve heard it said before and it’s true for me now: it’s so hard to trust a God I cannot track.  Therefore, I go on what I know: He is the creator of the universe, author and finisher of my faith, the savior of the world, and loves all of His children because they are uniquely created in His image.  (Even the ones I would question He’s calling “His children”.)

Lord, there is nothing about what I’m facing that makes a single ounce of sense to me.  I would have handled this entire situation completely differently, but I know from my own track record that when I take charge of my life and cut You out things tend to fall apart rapidly.  I am openly trusting you and I freely admit I don’t have a clue what Your plan is for my life at this moment.  Help my heart and my nerves to calm and to learn to trust You.  Help my humanity to quiet so my spirit can track You and lead me.  Help the others involved to see your grace and to give You the place of Lordship in their lives.  Help me to be a sweet and strong woman of faith.

Romans 8:26-28 The Message (MSG)
26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Romans 8:26-28 New Kimber Jones Version (NKJV)
Even when I’m tired and confused, God still knows what I need and will work something good out of whatever mess I’m living.

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