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Pre-dawn Musings


It’s 5:13am and I’ve been fighting sleep for two hours and one minute.  I finally gave up.  Made my bed, put on some leggings and sweatshirt, made a cup of coffee and sat down in my favorite chair to think.  The last several days have been riddled with cram-packed schedules and pollen-induced tension headaches.  I’m so done with headaches.  It starts behind my eyes and wraps around to my ears and down my neck.  So done. 

Yesterday I was given the gift of alone time for a few hours so I went for a pedicure; an indulgent treat for this busy mom.  The salon and technicians are familiar to me because it’s a place I’ve frequented for almost nine years.  Even when I didn’t live in Humble I would still come to this salon during visits to family and such.  The technicians are kind but they don’t talk too much.  The price is fair to competitors.  The salon is clean.  My visit yesterday was the same, yet different.  I was asked to sit in a chair between a long, slender woman who was watching a show on her iPhone and a clearly proud Irish lady with an acute edema in both feet, which I would later find out was due to her congestive heart failure as she convinced me the color of polish she chose was appropriate.  Across the room were two African-American men getting pedicures, which was a first for me to see.  In the back of the salon two little girls about 4 years old were playing with their Polly Pockets and eating potato chips.  Normally, I am annoyed by other patrons in the salon not because they did something wrong but because I don’t know where to look and the unknown social expectations induce anxiety for me.  I’m not usually the one to strike up a conversation, but neither do I yell at people to shut up when they talk to me.  I don’t “hope” someone will talk to me.  In fact, I usually hope people won’t talk to me.  I’ve reflected on my anti-social tendencies and I keep coming up empty-handed as to root reason I am this way.  Maybe it doesn’t really matter, but it’s what’s on my mind early this morning. 

Lord, I devote my life to you.  Use me as you see fit.  Help me teach and guide this perfect miracle of a baby boy you’ve given me.  I love you.

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