My heart broke this morning in my devotional time. The scripture for the day was Proverbs 18:24 – “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” This wasn’t the scripture that broke my heart; it actually provoked deep thought and reflection on the “friends” I have who aren’t blood family but might as well be. I am incredibly blessed. Just a few years ago I didn’t have many friends outside of my family, and I am certain some of my family didn’t even want to be my friend. As I have worked to dig myself out of a ditch of self-destruction and dysfunctional chaos I have been blessed with good friends who stick close to me like family.
After I read the daily scripture I turned to the Proverbs passage for the day. Today is October 9, so I turned to Proverbs 9. I read it. Nothing rang loud and clear for me, so I did a rewind and read Proverbs 8, which was for yesterday that I didn’t read. The whole chapter talks about Wisdom and the many victories and bounties afforded to Wisdom, but the last verse (8:36) is what stung me. It says (NLT), “But those who miss me injure themselves. All who hate me love death.” By itself, it’s a sad verse. Coupled with the two verses before it, it’s devastating. Verses 34-35 read, “Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, waiting for me outside my home! For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord.”
My interpretation of these scriptures: joy is deep inside those who listen and watch and wait for Wisdom. Those who love Wisdom know where Wisdom lives and visit Wisdom’s house frequently. They wait at Wisdom’s door for a chance encounter, for a possible meeting. They know if they become familiar with Wisdom they will find favor with the Lord, so they wait patiently and persistently. Should they “miss” Wisdom they will turn on themselves with self-injurious behaviors. I read the word “miss” to have two different meanings: (1) miss the mark because our aim is off, (2) long for as in a feeling of being homesick. We “miss” the house of Wisdom because we either aim poorly or we are estranged. We know where the house of Wisdom is but we feel unworthy and we are no longer connected to Wisdom, therefore we have no joy. That separation, that “miss”, causes us to turn on ourselves and “injure ourselves” and, essentially, love death. It seems harsh, but there’s not a whole lot of grey areas in the life of a Christian. The more I learn the more I understand you’re either on or off, yes or no. There doesn’t seem to be room for kinda on or kinda off or maybe. Using that same lens and looking at this scripture it makes sense if you are separated from Wisdom and do not have Joy then you would feel more connected to injury and death.
What broke my heart is realizing the people I know, myself included, who participate in self-destruction are only doing so because they “miss” Wisdom. Regardless if it’s a longing to be reconnected to Wisdom or if the aim was off and the mark was missed there is a disconnect that compels us to harm ourselves to the point of death. Maybe it’s not always a physical death with a funeral and gravestone. Maybe it’s a suffocation of sorts that strangles the life out of a dream or a goal. Maybe it’s self-inflicted punishment because without a connection to Wisdom we do not find favor with the Lord, which leaves us feeling hopeless, guilty, ashamed, and/or worthless. Regardless the motivation for injuring ourselves or the definition of our “miss” we can get back on course by just sitting outside the door of the house of Wisdom. At the top of the chapter Wisdom is “calling out”, “raising her voice”, and “cries out at the town gates” to all who can hear. That means Wisdom is all around us. All we have to do is hear first, then listen. Once we can hear Wisdom and listen to her instruction, then we can find her house and wait for her so we can discover joy and favor with the Lord.
This sounds “preachy” and simple, but I mean it with sincerity. Listening to Wisdom is something I have implemented in my life recently; it takes discipline and purposefulness. Listening is a very difficult skill to master; it involves more senses than just hearing. Often our “listening” is actually just a brief moment of silence in a conversation while we wait for our turn to speak next. True listening is fully focusing on the speaker, absorbing with all senses what is being shared. If a thought comes to mind while we are truly listening, we push it aside because we are so engrossed in what is being shared we don’t even care to say our own thought. Our agenda or point-of-view no longer matters in the moment of true listening. We are listening to Wisdom to find understanding and joy. We are listening because we know our way of doing things hasn’t served us well. We are listening because doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is insane. We are listening because we want to end self-destruction. We are listening because we want Wisdom in our lives. We are listening because we want favor with the Lord.
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