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Mid-blah


Today is just… I don’t know… Blah… Not a bad blah, but is there really a good blah?  I’m not highly motivated, I’m not depressed, I’m not anxious, I’m not over-elated about anything.  My neck is tense.  I have quite a bit of work to do and should really clean my house, but I just can’t find the energy; I can’t find the “want to”.  The weather is amazing.  I had lunch with a good friend.  My office is comfortable.  By all accounts it’s a good day, but I just feel… blah.

In preparation for a presentation on classroom management I have to give next week I stumbled across a theory called the “happiness curve”.  It’s an age-old concept related to the idea of mid-life crises that’s turned more scientific since the 1990s and suggests an upward swing that comes in your later 50s.  The most interesting part is the article’s confession that mid-life crisis is determined by the individual and their own ideations of what life should be compared to reality contrasted among multiple nations, backgrounds, socio-economic status, etc.  The trend is still the same even if the actual statistics don’t match.  And honestly there would be raised eyebrows if the statistics matched. 
The data compared between human activity and other mammal activity such as apes or orangutans is lost on me simply because I have zero experience in that area, but I find it so interesting that our society puts an expectation on people to have a mid-life crisis between the ages of 45-55.  I’m less than ten years away from this “crisis”, and I’m not ready.  Crisis is hard, draining, and crippling.  I’m already dragging a leg behind me from the last crisis I survived.  The next crisis might put me in a wheelchair.  (But wait… I don’t want to speak that kind of negative energy into my life.  I will find a way to manage whatever crisis comes my way because my faith is strong and my support system is impenetrable.) Anyhow… back to the subject: Mid-life crisis is an era of life that is easily forgiven because we just write it off to be part of normal development.  Maybe it is.  But what if we knew about it, expected it, prepared for it like we prep for hurricanes, and then hunkered down to weather the season?  Would that lessen the blow simply because you were aware?  If you gave yourself permission and space to feel the “blahs” with an understanding that this is normal, would you fight against it?  This might be a gross comparison but it’s the first one that came to mind.  If you have food poisoning and vomiting is the only way to rid your body of the attacking germ would you hold the vomit in simply because it’s uncomfortable and messy?  If you knew that vomiting was the activity to rid you of the grossness in your gut wouldn’t you initiate the vomiting to find rest, health, and restoration again? 

Switching back to the subject of feeling blah and recognizing the happiness curve: if you know it’s statistically probable for you to feel blah at a certain point in your life wouldn’t you want to find ways to feel the blah all the way through to rid yourself of the “blahs” to get back to fulfillment, peace, and rejuvenation?  I would.  I guess that’s where I am today.  A long time ago a great mentor in my life taught me the practice of feeling wholly and conclusively.  This skill is absolutely a practice, a discipline, that takes great effort and even greater discernment to know WHEN to feel if where you are isn’t a socially conducive environment for that feeling.  She taught me that stifling a feeling only exacerbates the repercussions.  Not allowing the feeling to be expressed or processed means I shove it deep down until there’s so much packed inside I either implode, which is dangerous to me, or explode, which is dangerous for others around me.  The healthy approach is to name the feeling, feel it all the way through until it passes, and then move on.  Dwelling on what used to be reality or what you used to feel is living life in the rear-view mirror.  Constantly weighing options and potential outcomes of future situations is forecasting, which judging from the rate of accuracy of weathermen is a futile effort.  Being present and engaged in the NOW is where most peace and fulfillment is found for me.  Most of my anxiety is related to decisions I should have made differently or worrying about what might be coming my way in the future.  Very little of my anxiety, if any, is connected to the moment of my right now… 3:21pm on Thursday afternoon. 
So maybe the key to bypassing a mid-life crisis or proving the happiness curve wrong is remaining present and actively engaged in the NOW of my life.  All the rest is either done and in the past or yet to be seen, which can be handled when it becomes my present. 

Maybe this day isn’t so “blah” afterall.  I feel pretty good right now. 

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