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Jealousy Is Never Happy

Nearly seven months ago we (and by we, I mean me) packed up our one-bedroom apartment, put everything we own (even half of our clothes) in storage, and moved into my family's RV in a tiny little town in Texas' hill country. That's another story for another day... I've started writing it half a dozen times but for some reason can't seem to finish it. Maybe that's because I am STILL living in this 34 foot trailer trying to figure out just how I got here and who talked me into thinking this was a good idea. I'm really not bitter about it, but sometimes it's just too tight in here. Moving forward...

Over the past few years, Stinky has canceled his Facebook account several times. After a little while he'd start back up, regather all his lost "friends" and proceed to overload on social media once again. He'd get sick of everyone's thoughts, ideas, and comments, recognize the binge, cancel everything, and that was the cycle. It worked for him. Me - I have a Facebook and never log on. There's usually a handful of messages at least a month old still waiting on me when I do finally think to login and check things out. It's not a big deal for me to put it down - it wasn't as easy for him. He had to take drastic measures to preserve his sanity, hence the serial cancelations and restarts.

The social media network that's got me all wrapped up is Instagram. I like it better because it's just snap shots that I can double tap for a tiny little heart keeping me connected to those I love and those who inspire me. It's much more user friendly in my opinion, and serves my purposes much better than Facebook. The problem with Instagram for me is that I tend to look at the pictures I am "liking" and compare myself and my life to them. My purpose here isn't to compare/contrast the benefits of social media networks, so I'll get to the point.

The real inspiration for this rambling session of mine rests at the homepage of a phantom Instagram friend, A. We have never met, never spoken on the phone, and I don't think we have even exchanged "comments" on Instagram photo postings. I discovered A through a mutual Insta-friend of ours and loved her art work. She focuses mainly on ceramics, but I'm infatuated with her font. I can't figure out if she's developed this herself, or if it's downloaded and then she works her magic to loop them all together for words and names and phrases. I don't guess it really matters because she's incredible, but that's where my head goes.

Anyhow, a few weeks back I was stalking A and read one of her posts that was describing a new movement she was promoting. I don't think it's her original idea (it might be...sorry if I just stripped you of your due credit, A), but it provoked me to think about it more: #unplugforlove and say "Heck Yes" to Digital Detox Sundays. This is to encourage media abusers to put their devices down and enjoy their families; actually be connected and in the minute rather than always posting or liking something. The other hashtag I see sprinkled throughout her photos is #reallife. This one is in reference to another woman who's posted a blog on the topic of people posting their perfect lives and giving the impression that things like heartache and busy schedules and grocery shopping and Monday mornings and bad hair days and frustration over the dryer shrinking all my clothes again don't afflict them. Everyone in their pictures is always perfectly poised or if it is a crazy shot it's always flattering; their houses look as though their hired maid literally just walked out the door - you can almost smell the lemony fresh from the photo; everyone is always laughing and smiling and having a blast; every artwork post is a masterpiece; and it's always vacation in some exotic or exciting place. You don't see the mascara that gathered at the corners of my eyes because I was too tired the night before to take it off like a proper young lady should do. There's no picture showing the frustration from day-to-day housecleaning, cooking, and being sweet to everyone you meet even when you don't feel like it. No post reveals a recent argument. And you certainly won't find the 4,615 failures before success was achieved on that perfect masterpiece from a small business artist. It gives the impression that all those people have such perfect little lives and I am one hot mess.

Just today, I caught myself comparing the pictures on Instagram to my current life. They were your typical photos of rock-climbing, new babies, shopping trips to my favorite places, artwork that's original, DIY inspirations, and just general happiness. I started feeling SAD looking at all that GLAD. Seriously!! What's wrong with me? I have had a glorious day; slept late (and slept well, which is actually just as big a blessing as getting to sleep in late), walked outside to a perfectly sunny day, had lunch with my Hunny at his work site, went to the grocery store where I calculated EXACTLY what I would spend at the check-out and then had the EXACT change to pay (When does that EVER happen?), listened to music while I cleaned house and put groceries away, cooked/packed lunches for this next week so my dryer will stop shrinking all my clothes, had some quiet yoga time, walked around my neighborhood for a little while, decorated my kitchen chalkboard, and then typed out this post. We will probably have dinner with friends tonight, but if that doesn't happen then we'll have grilled sandwiches in our front yard and hang out - just the two of us with Hondo; a perfect day.

After writing that last paragraph, and then re-reading to edit, what in the world am I so sad about? I have a fabulous life - blessed beyond measure. Think I'll start this #unplugforlove thing early this weekend and start enjoying my beautifully imperfect life. 

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