It’s a shade of black I can’t describe; heavy and hot, but it’s cold sometimes too. There are flashes of green and swirls of ugly. I want to cry, but can’t breathe deep enough to actually make a sound. Icy hot knives slice between my shoulder blades and move up as far as my ear lobes, which is when the deafening ringing begins. It’s so loud I can’t even hear it. At the same time my joints ache and my stinging dry eyes get foggy. Everything is blurry. I still want to cry but no breath has come yet. All I can think is HOW? HOW? HOW? It’s not even clear to me what I am asking ”How?” about… it’s just what word keeps flashing in my head. I see it. Bold. White. Crisp. All caps. HOW? Once the initial feelings of incapacitation pass, the burning fog lifts, and I’m able to see clearly again. Reasoning stands beside me. The only problem is that Reasoning sometimes makes everything more confusing because I don’t even know what it is that I’m trying to make sense of in my whirling, boiling, swoo...
The journey of a girl becoming a woman.